What determines success in life? Intelligence? Personality traits? Environment? Psychologists have different approaches to this topic, but they agree that the source of success is not one factor, but a combination of them.
Often, however, when we think about the success of other people, we refer to their intelligence, understood as the ability to learn, absorb material, understand concepts or solve problems. We measure intelligence understood in this way numerically – intelligence quotient (IQ) calculated in special tests. It turns out, however, that IQ plays a secondary role in achieving success, as emotional intelligence (EI) takes precedence.
Three years ago, during a conference in Davos, Switzerland, the World Economic Forum (WEF) announced emotional intelligence as one of the competencies of the future. This is important information for all those who are deciding on the direction of their personal development. Competencies of the future refer to skills, knowledge and attitudes that will be in great demand in the rapidly changing workplace in the near future. There is less and less time left and the competition is increasing, so there is nothing left to do but invest in yourself and develop emotional intelligence, e.g. through tutoring.
What is emotional intelligence?
The first theory of emotional intelligence was announced in the 1990s by Peter Salovey and John Mayer. According to them, EI is “the ability to recognize and regulate one’s own emotions and the emotions of others and to use feelings to guide thinking and action.” The theory of emotional intelligence was popularized by Daniel Golemann in his books (e.g. “Emotional Intelligence in Practice”). According to Goleman, emotional intelligence consists of 5 basic emotional and social competencies.
- Self-awareness: the ability to observe and evaluate individual feelings and use them to make appropriate, optimal life decisions.
- Self-regulation: efficient control over emotional states.
- Motivation: consistent pursuit of personal goals, despite setbacks and failures.
- Empathy: the ability to empathize, recognize other people’s feelings and look at the situation from their point of view.
- Social skills: proficiency in recognizing social situations, the ability to maintain social bonds, the ability to cooperate with people and the predisposition to apply these skills in everyday life.
Emotional intelligence therefore means better communication, healthy relationships with yourself and others, and the ability to achieve your own goals – there is no better recipe for success.
Strategies for developing emotional intelligence
The good news is that emotional intelligence can be developed. Working on this area requires openness to change and perseverance, but it is achievable. So where to start?
- The first step in developing emotional intelligence is self-reflection. It is a careful observation of yourself and your emotions, analysis of their impact on behavior and interactions with others, and the ability to draw conclusions from these observations. Stop for a moment during the day, think about what you are feeling right now and what makes you feel this way. Ask yourself, is this emotion helpful or destructive? Locate this sensation in your body. Look at yourself without judging, it’s about awareness and contact with yourself.
- Once you become more aware of your emotions, you can work on regulating them in healthy and productive ways. Think about what thought precedes the occurrence of a specific emotion. If an emotion is unpleasant, limiting, or causes you to withdraw from a particular situation, think about what happened earlier and what came to your mind at that moment. Analyze why this thought and not another one and whether it is really true.
- Be careful. Mindfulness is about being present and fully engaged in the present moment, without judgment or distraction. Practicing mindfulness is facilitated by activities such as meditation, mindfulness techniques, and breathing exercises.
- Practice interpersonal communication: listen actively, focus one hundred percent on the interlocutor. Listen, ask questions, pay attention to his body language. Don’t judge, don’t tell your own stories, put the interlocutor in the center of attention. Interesting active listening techniques are: paraphrase, reflection of feelings, clarification (asking questions) and summarization.
- Ask for feedback from your loved ones. Constructive feedback about your emotions and behaviors will allow you to look at yourself through the eyes of others and understand their perspective. Give constructive feedback to others.
- Develop empathy. Observe your loved ones, try to recognize their emotions and empathize with them. Don’t give advice unless they ask for your advice. Just be there when they need you. Put yourself in their shoes and practice the ability to “put yourself in the other person’s shoes.”
- Keep learning. Developing emotional intelligence is an ongoing process that requires constant learning and self-improvement. You can continue to develop your emotional intelligence by seeking feedback from others, attending courses, workshops or tutoring, and reading books or articles on the topic.
You can start developing emotional intelligence today. This competence will be useful to you both in creating valuable personal relationships and in achieving satisfying professional goals – and this means only one thing… SUCCESS.